Scattered Smothered Covered: 9/6
aka "siri how do you say 'field goal protection' in cajun?"
And a glorious opening weekend was had by ALL.
Stetson Bennett may have converted some unbelievers (me).
The Marcus Freeman era, though beginning with a loss, is off to an impressive start.
The Brian Kelly era, not so much.
But on a personal note, in a sea of transition and change, I find solace in that some things in life are constants: death, taxes, that the winning video on an America’s Funniest Home Videos episode isn’t ACTUALLY ever the funniest video of the episode.
But among all of life’s certainties, the one I hold most sacred is betting against Bo Nix in big games. I don’t know what life holds for him, but he will always have a special place in my heart for always throwing a pick at the most inopportune times.
EXHIBIT A: This text message exchange from the UGA/Oregon kickoff.
More than anything though, it’s just really, really good for football to be back.
OVERREACTIONS
I’m overreacting to this because I fell asleep during this part of the game, so bad job by me. Also, what an incredible sequence of events.
My sources tells me that Andre 3 Stacks is slowly working his way into Kirby Smart’s inner circle as seen from this photographic evidence.
It’s week 1 for the refs (umpires) too. Head on a swivel, my guy.
If this is where you expect me to say the turnover affectation has gone too far, PLEASE THINK AGAIN.
I say, if we don’t get a turnover nuke this season then we’ve lost our edge.
Let me ask the question we’re all thinking: why hasn’t John Daly been The Bachelor yet?
Is it too soon to say Anthony Richardson is the best Florida QB to wear #15?
LISTEN
UNDER-REACTIONS
Snake Draft of Big Boi things I want to happen during games
Fumble returns for touchdowns
Pass plays
Sack celebration dances
Shown wearing a comically low jersey number that also works as a crop-top jersey
Dramatic flops hoping to elicit a penalty.
Using the oxygen tank after chasing down a mobile QB
THIS CONCLUDES THE BIG BOY ACTIVITIES SNAKE DRAFT
We’re just going to sit here as a society and act like this is okay? By Georgia’s second best tight end? In this economy???!!!
A great moment of life imitating art because I’d bet on PSU in this game while forgetting about how Sean Clifford is still Penn State’s QB. Also, I will now call him “Seen” Clifford instead of “Shawn” Clifford until he forces me to respect him.
Fun fact! This interception is brought to you by Malaki Stark’s high school eval where he was comped not as a coverage player but as a linebacker.
Good to see Iowa is back to playing football using only perverse and deviant philosophies.
SURRENDER COBRAS OF THE WEEK
There was a BOUNTY of cobras in our midst this week. Remember this feeling because cobra harvests won’t always be this rich and plentiful.
This was an absolute work of art.